I'm an emotional volcano
Nowadays, I say what I mean as much as I possibly can. I love as freely as I can, and express myself to the best of my abilities. But the emotional blockage I experience is massive. Like someone put a giant cork in a bottle full of vinegar and baking soda, like those volcanoes you made in the 3rd Grade for the Science Fair (weren’t those a BLAST to make? Especially for an artsy kid like me).
It has taken me nearly a decade to be able to express myself fully, honestly, and without shame. It’s time to set myself free and hopefully get some damn peace of mind up in here! This blog is another piece in the puzzle to help me feel less shame about my emotions, thoughts, and ideas. I kept myself bottled up for years, presenting a false mask of a girl who was peppy, smart, and outgoing. When in reality I wanted to curl up, not speak, and just hide myself away until the pain fizzled away.
I will remind you, my readers, that I do not want to sugar coat my experiences. Nor will I keep telling you just the positives, in fact I will probably tell you the negatives and the brutal truths of it all. You won’t see the brave face acting all tough, like some heroine on a comic book cover.
I don’t want to present myself as a polished, healed, and fabulous person.
Damn, I can be a hot mess!
Disorganized, petty, jealous, indecisive, and scared of change. Scared to take leaps of faith since so many have smacked me right down back in my seat, telling me I must learn yet another lesson (exhausting, I’m sure you know the feeling).
And there I sit, taking on the new lesson, and with each one I become more patient, understanding, sympathetic, and brave. At least I try to be. But I’m only human, we’re all only human in this messed up world.
My only goal, my only wish and desire is to hopefully bring hope, peace, and community to those who are reading. Maybe you will find solidarity and comfort in my words and stories.